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| Adam, January 21, 2014 |
At the Falmouth Hospital ICU, alone with my love, my life purpose. Adam developed bronchial pneumonia quite suddenly. After admission, his chest was heaving so unnaturally, terror racked his face...every breathe is a struggle to live. He was in fear, I was in fear. Fear is a poor word, terror better describes the feeling. Terror is accompanied by tears, many tears, tears shed alone.
His infection compounded by his cellular memory of drowning is more than the human spirit should endure. But, he is a warrior, a fighter with his mother and father by his side every minute. The pulmonologist placed him on a vent and intubated him to allow for healing and rest. Waiting to grow a culture to determine the right antibiotic. He's given five antibiotics and they need to reduce them.
Sharon and I live in his room, sleep in his room, not from worry, but so that he never feels aloneness...the greatest fear that anyone can experience. He will be ok
My greatest desire is to be surrounded by physical presence of support so that I can be strong although weakness is to be accepted and overcome. Family, except for my seven month pregnant loving daughter and her husband, have never offered to give us relief and sit with Adam I have had the love of hundreds Facebook friends, all of who have severely disabled kids sending healing energy and light. I am wrapped in this love of my community. A few neighbors brought food and compassion...without asking "what can I do?"...they just did because it was right.
My belief is never to ask terrified, exhausted parents "what can I do?" Just do it. Come here, family, and wrap us in the tenderness of your strength. And, a phone call or an excuse, is woefully insufficient...just do what is good and worthy. Come and wrap us with your love through your presence...show Adam your love in his time of terror and fight. It requires time and courage, but all of our time is limited and courage springs from deep within...all of us want to live worthy lives, good lives...it is the meaning of life: never allowing our disabled kids to feel fear, to feel alone but only to feel love which sustains life. This is not a time for regret, but a time to learn to be the best we can.
Adam told his clairvoyant many years ago, at a time when we performed ritual to have him keep his spirit in his body, that "Love means being here, even when you don't have to..."; I spoke the same words at Aimee's wedding. Be here!
To my Facebook community and many of you I have not met personally, I love you...you have taken time to express words of love, hope, presence, tenderness and with you I no longer feel alone. We will survive and so will our warrior son....My joy, my daughter Aimee had offered to do anything...to take Ollie, who can be a pain in the ass; to sit overnight with Adam in ICU, despite she is a corporate tax manager in the midst of a busy season and seven months pregnant. It take no skill to recognize true love. She has learned that "Love means being here, even when you don't have to." It such a simple formula to life a worthy life...it's all that is necessary to live a worthy life.
Sorry for rambling, but the brain simply rambles...
Because of indifference, one dies before one actually dies.
Elie Wiesel
Oh Philiip and Sharon How much I wished throught he years and our life with Isa to be close to my specialneed parents , my soul mate I call you . I had similar experience years ago , we had to be evacuated to belgium urgently after isa got severely ill , 2 months alone in a hospital , in a foreign country , no phone call from anybody , coming back home nobody even bothered to come see us . i cried telling mike , I know my house will be full if god forbid we have a funeral , but i don't need them then , i need them now while my daughter is alive . it is hard to be alone . I wish we are close so I could be right there with you , for you . You and Adam are in our thoughts and prayers all the time . Be strong , sending you bih hug across the oceans ((...HUG...))
ReplyDeleteOh, Viv, thank you so much...I do feel a very deep bond with you, Isa and your family...I believe we are all part of the same soul group...'earning valuable lessons together. It is amazing how bonds are formed in the universal field of energy...give my love and hugs to all.
DeletePhilip,
ReplyDeleteI am wishing for you the strength to endure whatever life brings you. We have not met but I follow your stories on facebook. I remember all the dark fearful times in hospital and at home with Sebastian when no one could help, no one to turn to. I feel your despair, I hear you. I am creating a space filled with love for you and Adam and your family. Our children are the true warriors. Sending you love, healing, strength. With Love Bettina
Bettina,
DeleteThanks you for joining us in our journey ... dark and fearful places are always part of this life journey. It allows us to enter places where few others have had the privilege to enter...Being a warrior is what it is about and that strength is not ours...it come from our loved children. Thank you and blessings to your family.
Phil, I am overcome with emotion and love for you and Sharon and Adam! I sincerely, truly wish we lived closer so that I could come there and do what is necessary for you to have more strength and clarity to take care of your son. A little rest can do a lot, as you well know. I have been wondering about you as I haven't seen you around online and I'm sorry I didn't reach out. I should've known something happened. I send you every prayer, well wish, every bit of white light, comfort, strength and positive emotion and thought that Adam finds comfort and heals quickly!! In our time of correspondence I have come to consider you a friend indeed.
ReplyDeletePlease accept my sincere heartfelt well wishes for your entire family.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your comment and your sentiments. I know that you are attuned to my feeling and we form a common bond through the love of our children....in a way we are part of a very special universe that few touch or understand....Thanks you for prayer and energy...I feel confident that the universe of intention will get Adam through. It is to bad that we are all scattered throughout the world....thanks again.
DeleteWish I could be bringing changes of clothes, plates of food, whatever is needed. Can only show up from afar.
ReplyDeleteMay peace surround you all.
Thank you, Andrea....hell of a reason to return to bloggingdom. I know you join us in spirit and that is the very most important affirmation. Blessings to you and 'Meil.
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