A Dad's Wedding Speech....

    November 3, 2012

     For those of you who don’t know me I’m Phil,  Aimee’s Dad and on behalf of my wife Sharon and I, I would like to welcome you all here today to celebrate the marriage of our daughter Aimee  to Tony.

     I would like to welcome Tony’s parents, Steve and Donna, his brothers and grandmother, as well as all of our relatives and friends. I know a lot of you have traveled considerable distances to be here.

     Many of you have my met my son, Adam, who was severely disabled in a near drowning at a summer camp over 14 years ago.   A special woman in Adam’s life who had the uncanny ability to decipher his thoughts, once told us:  Adam says  “Love means showing up and being there, even when you don’t have to….”  It is with his sentiment that I welcome you.

   Thank you all for coming, it’s very much appreciated.

THE WEDDING

     As father of the bride I have the pleasure of making the only long speech on this magical day…

     I have given much thought about what to say or not to say. For those who know me, I speak my mind, my truth and really don’t censor much.  I often can’t complete a sentence without a profanity thrown in for effect.  But, I promised that I would be behave this evening.

However, for myself, it is has been over 31 of marriage years since I was allowed to say anything without being disagreed with, laughed at or ignored, so this is too good an opportunity to miss.

At the end of the day, it is my speech and I can say what I like.

MY DAUGHTER AIMEE

This is the point where I am supposed to say a few embarrassing things about Aimee when she was younger but unfortunately she has been a perfect daughter. I do know, however, that over the course of the evening, after a few drinks, Aimee’s friends will share more than you want to know.  I am also anxious to hear about those moments from my princess’s life which have been hidden from me with care.

Suffice it to say that Sharon and I are both very proud of how she much she has accomplished and how she has grown up and we are both delighted that she has found someone who she obviously loves and cares for very much.

Aimee is our first child and I can attest to the fact that it was a long and memorable birth…with emphasis on very, very long…

When we spent months in ICU with Adam  in 1998, an elderly and crippled physician pulled Sharon and I aside.  And, as if he could foretell the future, he simply said…”Remember, always, that you have two children…”

We never forgot those words, and I guess that’s how Aimee became a princess.  Despite whatever difficulty we faced, Aimee was always given the best … she was our daughter and our love.  Aimee has made us very proud. All parents want their children to have a good education and give themselves a good start in life.  Aimee accomplished that and we’ll be paying for quite a while.  Today, I look at my daughter and I see an independent, attractive, elegant, stunning young woman. She obviously takes after her mother.

Of course she inherits other traits from me…

·       her cooking…

·       her like of one or two small drinks…

·       her ability to induce others to clean up her messes…

·       her obsessive compulsive need to control…

·       her allergy to people’s bullshit…she, like dad, both have built in detectors and reject that which is false and pretentious

·       her appreciation for the finer things in life (though we disagree about the meaning of finer)

    She learned compassion, sympathy and a zest for living from her brother. She has learned about unconditional and unwavering love from her mother.  She gets her intelligence and drive from both mom and dad…that is the politically right thing to say!

    And, she has well learned about the intricacies of politics from her love, Tony!  Thank god, we’re all on the same page!!!  (four more years!!)

TONY

     Every Father hopes his daughter will find an accomplished, sensible, loving and compassionate  partner and as much as you try not to interfere in their lives, you always hope your children will make the right choices in life.  Aimee, thanks to the power and intention of universal energy, chose Tony.

   I have found that Tony is compassionate, sensitive, loving, intelligent and one hell of a singer.  I am so impressed by Tony’s ability to engage Adam…this a trait and quality of humanity that I rarely encounter in many people.  It is for those and many other reasons, that I welcome you and your family into ours.

     Tony, I hope that you will be able to keep my daughter in the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed and desires.   I’m not sure that either of us knows or understands the depths of princess-hood. To help you with your marriage, I thought I would give you some advice based on my 31 year experience of married life.

    Marriage will teach you many things… loyalty…self restraint…obedience…I am still in daily training on these matters.

     There is no challenge in a marriage that can’t be overcome by one or more of the following:

·       I was wrong!

·       You were right!

·       Yes Dear

·       I love you!

     Finally, never go to bed in the middle of an argument – be a man, stay up and fight and watch some sports or play Angry Birds. You’ve lost anyway, so you might as well get it over with.

    I would just like to leave you with this thought…

     The actor Richard Burton once said that ‘a woman accepts a man for what he is and then spends the rest of her life trying to change him.’… So, if we can all take one last look at Tony as we know him because Aimee’s remodeling work starts first thing in the morning.

Finally, this day is magic.  I believe in magic.  I see magic in their eyes, in their touch, in their embrace …they are magic unfolding in front of us.  It’s the way things should be!  It’s the way things are meant to be…magic!

The Wedding......A Time for Magic

       My daughter, Aimee wed Tony Iannotti on November 3, 2012.  It was a day of magic, awe and wonder.  Sharing a few photos of the day:

Pre-Wedding Preparations

Groomsmen with Aimee and Tony

Bridesmaids with Aimee and Tony

Mon, Dad, Adam and Aimee

Mom, Dad, and the uber-groomsman (Adam)

The Moment

Our Princess!!

Now, Mr and Mrs. Iannotti

One of many floral arrangements (this one for the vows)

Post Wedding breakfast

Dealing with pre-nuptial anxiety

The products of pre-nuptial anxiety



THE BLESSING GIVEN BY THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE (me)

Apache Wedding Blessing

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years, may happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth.   Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficult and fear assail your relationship – as they threaten all relationships at one time or another – remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives – remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.

In the middle of the party that never ends.....Aimee, Tony, Juli at the Coonamesett Inn
Falmouth, MA 

Guess What .....There is a god!

Oh, happy day!   Aimee and Tony!

Ok, so here's a picture of the happy couple!

Adam's Sox...

A pic for all you Sox fans!

       In 1998, just weeks before Adam's near-drowning accident, he attended his first Boston Red Sox Game with his Little League All-Star Team.  When he returned that evening, he told us it was the best day of his life.  So, thirteen years later, we decided to return to Fenway to recreate the experience for him and jog the old memory banks.  This certainly was a great day.  This certainly was a traumatic day. We have recovered.
      We were prepared to be in Boston for a 1:00 pm game.  Of course, at the last minute the Bruins won the Stanley Cup (like I care, but many of my Canadian friends probably are mortally wounded) and scheduled their victory parade for the same day and same time as the game (duh!). The Sox, not thinking of our predicament at all, moved the game until 7:10.  Mind you, Adam is usually in bed by 8:30.
       So we went...Adam in the van on an inflatable bed to avoid prolonged sitting in the damned wheelchair. Almost fell off the bed several times on the way (Mom was practically sitting on him to keep him secure), Dad couldn't find the parking lot that we had reserved a space for the van (at only a 60.00 fee), and daughter was giving incoherent direction by cell to Dad who was flipping out.  Made it there just on time.

Adam, bearer of the borrowed rings.

   

         Our host was super gracious.  Carl Beane, the Red Sox announcer since 2003, met us at the players' gate and gave Adam his two World Championship rings from 2004 and 2007 to wear.  Pictures of course, but we had to give the rings back.
         We were given a tour of Fenway Park including all the back alleys and the green monster (the wall for  all you non-Sox fans).  Viewed years of memorabilia and  I suppose a lot of people would find this cool.  I would rather have a beer!

Adam, Carl Beane (our uber-gracious host) on the field.

Aimee, feigning an interest in the wall of heroes.

       Then it was on to the old autograph frenzy.  Thank god, Ken Lynes was with us.  Also, Joanne Stafford worked hard behind the scenes to make this all happen for Adam.  Ken had no problem calling some of those players over to sign balls and cards for Adam.  This is not an easy trick during batting practice, but he was not to be over-looked and kept pointing out the kid in wheelchair.  That tactic always works.  I'll have to remember this strategy for the future.

Ken badgering Adrian Gonzalez for autographs for Adam as me and the kid watched in awe.

Ken cajoling Adrian Gonzalez to sign THREE cards and a ball for Adam.
I gotta learn from this guy!

       Having started the tour at 4:00 and the game wasn't till 7:00, we had time to kill and sweat in the heat.  Adam sweated despite all our efforts to hydrate and keep him cool.  Since the accident, his temperature gauge has never served him well.  He's cold when it's hot, hot when it's cold....aarhh!

Made Adam a tent to keep him out of the sun....didn't work well, in fact, not at all.

       So by 6:00, the kid was moaning like something was wrong.  He was soaked with sweat and probably other stuff and needed a change of clothes.  So we're sitting at field level in pricey seats and asked an usher or security person (really an idiot) which bathroom or utility room we could use to change him.  Uh?  "Do you both have to been in the bathroom with him?"  Yes, dumbass, try to change a spastic 25 year old who is in a wheelchair alone.  Well, he tells me, there are handicapped stalls in the women's room, but you can't go in there.  Close your eyes, asshole, and we won't tell if you don't.  He walked away and the three of us used the women's room to some uncool looks.  He said, "I didn't see anything!"  Great!
       We lasted until the 5th inning when the boy started to moan incessantly with mournful looks at Mom ... too much chair time.  You know, non-verbal kids can moan and whine quite articulately. The high point was that his most favorite player was on the field two feet away from him the whole game.  It's not like Adam was interested in the game, but he didn't take his eyes off this player for 5 innings and the player fully engaged him. This was the high point of his day.

Our hero, the Red Sox bat girl chatting with the boy!

       So we got Adam back in the van and laid him out on his air mattress...relief for all of us.  The moaning stopped and we crossed the bridge back to our beloved island at 10:30.  I'm not leaving the Cape again...ever.

Family time in an empty Fenway Park....farewell!

Photography: through the kind assistance of Tony Iannotti (except the more crappy pictures taken  by me)

The ball......

       

The Other Child ...

     Within days of learning that Adam would live, an elderly and very disabled pediatric pulmonary specialist in the PICU, pulled us aside.  He told us, "Always remember that you have two children......."  The clear message was that in his experience, parents of disabled children often center their lives around care-giving and that other siblings needs are lost  in the commotion of the day and the years.

       For the past twelve years, Aimee has lived the trauma with grace.  While caring for Adam, we made a very concerted effort to never miss a game of this remarkable athlete and attended every event at which she was honored both academically and athletically.  We were always intentionally conscious of the fact that "we had two children..."  It is never easy to accept the reality that both mom and dad can't be there at the same time to join your life experiences.  We only were able to pull this off a few times, but Aimee understood that we had two children.
        From those high school days, Aimee moved on to pursue both her bachelor's degree and her master's of science degree in taxation at Bentley University.  With as much dedication, Aimee completed all portions of the examinations and requirements for her CPA (Certified Public Accountant.)  Since graduation at Bentley University, she has been employed at RSM McGladery (formerly Caturano and Company), one of largest accounting and taxation firms worldwide.  At the firm, she is now a Taxation Manager in the corporate taxation division.

        Yes, we remember every day that we have two children; each as valuable, each with their own gifts; each with an indomitable spirit.  To say that we are blessed is an understatement of great magnitude.