My Mom Kicks Ass.....

Dear Mom,

    Today is our 25th Mother's Day together, the 13th since my little accident.  I hope you like the card on the left.  I'm not really sorry for swearing because I learned how to from you.  But, you really do kick ass.  Since my accident (trying to break a world record for being under water without breathing; I only lasted 25 minutes), I really can't speak with words and I can't write a few kind words, and I can't walk up and hug you,so  I have asked dad to channel my mental pictures to you in words so that you can understand how I feel.

       Dad will do his best, but you know him.  He freaks out at every little thing.  Like when I almost drowned...on the ride to the trauma center, he was planning my funeral when you knew everything would be ok...he worries about everything, must be his PTSD or something.  In a way, you are his and my rock.  You can calm each of us down.  I am actually easier to calm down than him.  So I hope he reads my thoughts right and does not screw  things up.  Maybe I'll envision a big beer before he starts writing...that's what I'm doing now...so go to it, dad.

       There are no other mothers like you in the world.  For 12 years you have lovingly taken care of me, no matter what personal price you had to pay.  You keep me clean (top to bottom); you get me ridiculously short haircuts; you feed me somewhat well (not enough ice cream, and screw the mucous problems associated with dairy); you entertain me and do hours of therapy every day.  I love it when you get pissed at dad when he says he's too tired to do laser or ABR and give him all sorts of attitude.  I guess that means that I'm important.  I suppose I also appreciate all the machines and foam and bladders that you strap on me in during the night...every night.  This kid rarely gets a break.  You ought to try and wrap yourself up from stomach to chest with whirling machines and see how well you sleep.  But, I know you believe it's for my good.
       By the way, you do realize that in caring for me it's the only place in the world that you can learn about unconditional love.  In loving me, you know that there is nothing that I can do in return but love you back.  No strings, no games, no ifs!  This learning is why we chose to be together in this life.  Those people who view me as "invisible" provide a stark contrast to that notion of unconditional love...that is why they are around, to provide a contrast, so that you know!  Enough of the heavy shit!

       I also appreciate how meticulous (dad's interpretation) you are with all my supplements and stuff.  They taste like crap by the way.  I put up with it because I know you do it because you love me.  You know, if we left this stuff up to dad, I'd smell and have long hair and have a beard and look like Jesus (quite cool).  On second thought,  a bad idea!

       But that's the silly stuff.  I know that you believe that I will be much, much better.  You know, believing is much more powerful than that hope and faith stuff.  Belief is knowing...hope and faith is like playing roulette.     You also believe that I am working hard while many people see me as just laying there with a shit-eating smile...you see beyond the smile and into the eyes...the windows to my soul.

       You know that before time, I chose you to be my mother for a very special reason.  I knew something would happen to me which would change my life and I knew that you would be there...always.  There are very few people that I can count on in that way.  You never waiver in your belief in me despite the periodic crankiness I experience....I know it's not directed at me, just that you're really tired, but never impatient.  I'm going as fast as I can which is slow.  This has been a good trip, I have no complaints.  Well, only one: when you let Ollie lick the inside of my mouth....dog tongue is quite gross for a priss like me.

       One of the greatest gifts that you give me is not allowing me to be invisible.  It seems to me that relatives, old friends, your old friends, and many people would like me to be in bed in my room with the door closed all of the time....that's where cripples belong, you know the old saying, "out of sight, out of mind"?  They don't like to look at me, they get embarrassed when I laugh inappropriately (actually it's quite appropriate and usually at them), they have a hard time with my stiff body and contracted arms and drool, and my inability to talk back on and on.  You embrace all those little idiosyncrasies about me and show me off to the world.  I know that is because you are proud of me.

        So I hope I covered most of the important stuff.  Remember that long ago I said "Love means being there when you don't have to....".   You have always been there and that what is what's special about you, my mother.  I don't even mind when you leave for a few days to go somewhere to mentally re-group.  Dad takes good care and we have fun...although hygiene has never been his strong point.  It's ok with me!"

        I want you to to know that I love you and that I honor the fact that you chose me to be your son.  We gotta long time together yet....so get used to it. At least I don't have to listen to you yelling my name at hockey games and stuff like that.    Happy mother's day!!

Your best boy,

Adam

PS  Oh, a gift?  Here ya go:  the hat's in the mail!

P.S. I'm making dad get a haircut today (as a M's day gift)