Adam Dzialo

Adam Dzialo
Our son, Adam Dzialo, age 30

Saturday, May 7, 2011

My Mom Kicks Ass.....

Dear Mom,
    Today is our 25th Mother's Day together, the 13th since my little accident.  I hope you like the card on the left.  I'm not really sorry for swearing because I learned how to from you.  But, you really do kick ass.  Since my accident (trying to break a world record for being under water without breathing; I only lasted 25 minutes), I really can't speak with words and I can't write a few kind words, and I can't walk up and hug you,so  I have asked dad to channel my mental pictures to you in words so that you can understand how I feel.
       Dad will do his best, but you know him.  He freaks out at every little thing.  Like when I almost drowned...on the ride to the trauma center, he was planning my funeral when you knew everything would be ok...he worries about everything, must be his PTSD or something.  In a way, you are his and my rock.  You can calm each of us down.  I am actually easier to calm down than him.  So I hope he reads my thoughts right and does not screw  things up.  Maybe I'll envision a big beer before he starts writing...that's what I'm doing go to it, dad.
       There are no other mothers like you in the world.  For 12 years you have lovingly taken care of me, no matter what personal price you had to pay.  You keep me clean (top to bottom); you get me ridiculously short haircuts; you feed me somewhat well (not enough ice cream, and screw the mucous problems associated with dairy); you entertain me and do hours of therapy every day.  I love it when you get pissed at dad when he says he's too tired to do laser or ABR and give him all sorts of attitude.  I guess that means that I'm important.  I suppose I also appreciate all the machines and foam and bladders that you strap on me in during the night...every night.  This kid rarely gets a break.  You ought to try and wrap yourself up from stomach to chest with whirling machines and see how well you sleep.  But, I know you believe it's for my good.
       By the way, you do realize that in caring for me it's the only place in the world that you can learn about unconditional love.  In loving me, you know that there is nothing that I can do in return but love you back.  No strings, no games, no ifs!  This learning is why we chose to be together in this life.  Those people who view me as "invisible" provide a stark contrast to that notion of unconditional love...that is why they are around, to provide a contrast, so that you know!  Enough of the heavy shit!
       I also appreciate how meticulous (dad's interpretation) you are with all my supplements and stuff.  They taste like crap by the way.  I put up with it because I know you do it because you love me.  You know, if we left this stuff up to dad, I'd smell and have long hair and have a beard and look like Jesus (quite cool).  On second thought,  a bad idea!
       But that's the silly stuff.  I know that you believe that I will be much, much better.  You know, believing is much more powerful than that hope and faith stuff.  Belief is knowing...hope and faith is like playing roulette.     You also believe that I am working hard while many people see me as just laying there with a shit-eating see beyond the smile and into the eyes...the windows to my soul.
       You know that before time, I chose you to be my mother for a very special reason.  I knew something would happen to me which would change my life and I knew that you would be there...always.  There are very few people that I can count on in that way.  You never waiver in your belief in me despite the periodic crankiness I experience....I know it's not directed at me, just that you're really tired, but never impatient.  I'm going as fast as I can which is slow.  This has been a good trip, I have no complaints.  Well, only one: when you let Ollie lick the inside of my tongue is quite gross for a priss like me.
       One of the greatest gifts that you give me is not allowing me to be invisible.  It seems to me that relatives, old friends, your old friends, and many people would like me to be in bed in my room with the door closed all of the time....that's where cripples belong, you know the old saying, "out of sight, out of mind"?  They don't like to look at me, they get embarrassed when I laugh inappropriately (actually it's quite appropriate and usually at them), they have a hard time with my stiff body and contracted arms and drool, and my inability to talk back on and on.  You embrace all those little idiosyncrasies about me and show me off to the world.  I know that is because you are proud of me.
        So I hope I covered most of the important stuff.  Remember that long ago I said "Love means being there when you don't have to....".   You have always been there and that what is what's special about you, my mother.  I don't even mind when you leave for a few days to go somewhere to mentally re-group.  Dad takes good care and we have fun...although hygiene has never been his strong point.  It's ok with me!"
        I want you to to know that I love you and that I honor the fact that you chose me to be your son.  We gotta long time together get used to it. At least I don't have to listen to you yelling my name at hockey games and stuff like that.    Happy mother's day!!

Your best boy,


PS  Oh, a gift?  Here ya go:  the hat's in the mail!

P.S. I'm making dad get a haircut today (as a M's day gift)


  1. The best Mother's Day tribute ever :) Happy Mother's Day, Sharon! You are one amazing woman!

  2. Happy Mother's Day Sharon!
    I got a few laughs from reading the card :)
    I am a proud mom of a special needs son too. Have a wonderful day! Eugenia.

  3. Adam my man, you have never been so respectfully eloquent. I often witness your conscience "tudes" with your Mom, but THAT my friend is what keeps us going in our DOMINATION of them. It's what keeps us strong, and keeps them in that LOVE/hate place. And HOW much do we love THAT!!! You ARE the Dude!
    As for your Mom, she is the greatest blessing of a Mother anyone could have. I've known many Mom's in my 55 years Adam, and she is by FAR the least judgmental, creatively open to ALL that life can bring,and loving in ANY circumstance. You and she do each other proud every day. And I feel proud to know you both. Thank you for the gift of being part of your family.
    In closing, I wish you a beautiful Mother's Day Sharon!
    Love, Meb

  4. A beautiful post... :) have a Wonderful Mothers day Sharon you're one fine and special lady x sending hugs to Adam, Phil and Meb too x

  5. It is hard for me to imagine a description that comes closer to capturing the essence of a fruitful existence. Without love we are nothing really since nowhere does our unique skillset as human beings justify themselves as when we rise above our own ego-awareness to appropriate long term care with the reward of a job well done that no one recognizes.
    The parents of Adam are true pioneers in a brave new world of equality.

  6. You blog your best stuff when you ghost write for those who hate to be treated like ghosts i.e. Adam, God, etc.

    You describe the Sharon we envision in reading Ceramic to Clay. She does indeed kick butt.

    By the way, I didn't realize that you still hate parting with your hair. As for me, I like to simplify my life as i age, so I go for the buzzed look. And no more combs!

    Happy Mothers' Day, Sharon. The weather will get warmer, warm enough to get myself down the Cape. In the meantime, my best to Ollie who does things for Adam that people wouldn't do.

  7. It is such a lovely tribute for your mom Adam. I'm sure she's very proud and happy to be your mother. And you are blessed with a wonderful father too. Stay happy Adam and God bless you.

    To your mother Sharon, "Happy Mother's Day. You've done a great job."

  8. Happy Mother's Day to Adam's Mom... God bless your family...

  9. Happy Mother's Day to The Most Amazing Mother I Know...You are and have always been my Heroine...I Love All Of You MOM, DAD, ADAM and AIMEE

  10. Nancy Sheehan (via e-mail)
    The raw beauty of your letter from Adam to Sharon was the most authentic,
    meaningful tribute to a mother that I've ever read. You took the time and
    put forth the effort to capture Sharon's personality, style of mothering
    and depth of love and caring with such detail, humor and compassion that
    it was like watching her in the role of mother unfold before my eyes.
    Sharon is indeed fortunate to have you and Adam in her life. You express
    yourself and transmit love and appreciation better than any man I've ever
    known and there is no more deserving recipient than Sharon.

  11. Happy Mother's Day, Sharon!

    That's a beautiful letter, Adam.

    And well done on the channeling, Phil. Excellent job.

  12. Thanks to all who left kind comments for Sharon...mothering a disabled kid ain't an easy job. BTW, Adam got her an electronic keyboard for M's Day...I got he and I earplugs.


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