|One of Adam's ABR sessions|
Sharon's new book, Ceramic to Clay, seeks to encourage people to understand trauma, to learn about authentic healing, to empower people to embrace their journeys and to understand their calling at a deeper level. She wants to share her story with those who have experienced life altering events and with the people and the communities who surround them. Her expectation seems clear and, hopefully, will be realized.
My expectations are different. Given the promotion of the book, articles and photos in our hometown media (where Adam spent his first 21 years), announcements through social networking, I expect a resurgence of humans into Adam's life. His many classmates and a plethora of teammates, his teachers and therapists, our friends and many family members . . . I expect them to rush here, to call, to send a card to celebrate the life of a thriving, joyful friend and relative. One old friend did immediately visit and it was so good for Adam. Are my expectations unrealistic or hasty? Is it because Adam is non-verbal and non-ambulatory? Are people afraid of a very challenged friend and don't know what to say or do? Is it because (12 years ago) many promised to walk by our side for as long as it takes and disappeared? Do they reject our path and did they hope that we would usher him into an institution? Will they make up "justification stories" to themselves? Am I wrong to have expectation? Or, is it simply the plague of indifference?
- Never ask what you can do...simply do it
- Never ask "can I get you something?" ... just get it
- Never just remember someone ... communicate that with a card
- Never wonder if it's permissible to visit ... drop by
- Never wonder if the disabled would be ok going to a movie or a dinner ... just take them
- Never, ever make a promise because it's momentarily appropriate and then run from the promise...we have no value as human other than as much as we are true to our word...our definition derives from being our word.
- Learn to change a diaper, connect a g-tube, suction a trach....allow a caretaker to go out to supper once every so often.
- If you question the statements about human indifference....visit a state institution for severely disabled, a state funded day habilitation facility, an elderly set of parents who have just had PCA or family support services reduced or eliminated by the state
- Also, attend well to the widowed (whose friends also disappear,the elderly, infirm, emotionally torn by personal demons)
While these reflections confront my feelings about life with Adam, the thoughts and feelings apply aptly to the plight of so many others.