Adam Dzialo

Adam Dzialo
Our son, Adam Dzialo, age 30

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Our National Obsession with the Reason "Why?".....

     We face the horrific death of innocent young children.  We face the grief of parents and siblings whose wounds will inevitably never heal.  We face the person of our President in a display of profound angst.  We confront the heroism of adults who attempted to protect the most vulnerable and valuable members of their community.  We will never know the trauma of the police, first responders and medical personnel who came upon unimaginable carnage; a sight that will plague them in visions and nightmares for their existence on earth.  We can never imagine the loss imprinted upon the parents and the siblings of the slayed.  We can never imagine nor can we ever understand....
    What concerns me as a parent who, in his own way, had to confront a near death and permanent disability of his son 14 years ago, is the persistent search on the part of public for the reason why this happened.  I am perplexed by the disability advocates who jump to the keyboard to announce that autism, that a personality disorder, that Asperger's Syndrome does not make a killer.  I am in a quandary when the media disperse a plethora of diagnoses and bloggers believe that the public will blame the horrific actions of a young man on his appearance of diagnosis.  Although I am an anti-gun advocate, I question the immediacy of requests for more controls because it distracts from a greater national dialogue.

       I am confused by this national obsession to know why Adam Lanza killed his mother and so many others, especially young children.  The reality is that you will never know...but here is what I have heard as some indicators:
  • autism
  • personality disorder
  • Asperger's Syndrome
  • mental problems
  • developmental disorder
  • psychopath
  • inability to form bonds with other people
  • excessive gaming
  • being a "goth"
  • lack of gun controls
  • mother was a "big, big gun fan"
  • divorce of parents
  • deeply disturbed kid
  • had a rare condition where he could feel no pain
  • he was evil in our presence
  • a lack of god in our school (Mike Huckabee)
       And so, we have a national obsession with the "need" to know why.  We pour  energies into learning the why of his slaughter of the lambs.  We decry the fact that perhaps he could have been rescued from his problems.  We need to know why and we need to have someone or something to blame; as if that will make the universe right.  We need to make sure that "our disability" is not attributed as a cause of this horror. 
       Knowing the reason for why will not undo the horrific actions.  Knowing will not prevent future incidents which have been with us since recorded history began.  Knowing why will not reduce nor diminish the profound wounds nor grief of the victims and their families.  Yet, it is always what we do, look for a cause (real or not) and look for evil (real or not).  Horror of this type is not preventable nor is it understandable.   I believe that the search for "why" is a fruitless endeavor which detracts from a participation in raw grief.  Really, there is no answer to "why" nor is there a way to "prevent" horror.  The human mind and spirit is too complex and beyond mortal comprehension.  Bad things happen and they happen to good people.  Bad things happen...
      What do we do?  We should grieve and grieve deeply.  We should join our spirit in compassion, empathy and care with victims of horrific events.  People die when they should not, people kill when they should not, people are blamed when they have lost their souls.  We should mourn and we should grieve; we should lend support; we should understand that the wounds of the universe never really heal.  Pursuing an aimless search for why neither soothes the soul nor allows for our human consciousness to evolve.  What should be our national response?  Grief and mourning and a hope for a better day!
A National Example 


  1. I hope you are coming back! I will miss your wisdom. I wish you happy holidays and a blessed new year with your dear and beautiful family.

  2. Thank you for the overly generous words. I too appreciate the wisdom you share with all. My return to this world of my blog is unlikely....

  3. Oh Phil! Please don't say you aren't blogging anymore. I will miss your words. I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season, filled with love and peace. Best wishes from our family to yours.

  4. Unfortunately, some nasty cyber-stalkers...and my life and house needs only positive energy. I will continue to check in on your blog...I hope and wish the best for yourself and kids, especially this season. Blessings...


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