Guest Post: Eric Fischer, A Response to Request for "Conversion Stories"

Eric Fischer

       In my last post, I inquired if readers had "conversion stories" that they would be willing to comment upon or share.  My friend, Eric Fischer, shared with me this comment which has taken the form of a guest post.  Eric lives in Haifa, Israel and has been a naturopathic practitioner since 1990, specializing in shiatsu and bio-ergonomics.  He is a totally committed caregiver to his beautiful son, Segev, who was born with Ohtahara Syndrome and a variety of other complicating conditions.  He exemplifies a very unique level of care-giving and demonstrates a deep level of understanding of the meaning of severe and complex disability. 
        Eric blogs at http://iamabrokenmanyoucantbreakme.blogspot.com/ and his posts about his life with Segev merit a serious visit.  Following his blog is an inspiration.  I am honored to share this guest post with all.


        When I was eighteen, long before becoming a therapist, I moved out of my parent’s home, leaving Holland and headed to Canada to study. On the way I stopped in England to visit friends of my parents and they took me out one night to friends of theirs.

        After greetings I was “automatically” escorted upstairs to their son’s room, which I found a bit strange, though he was my age. Apparently he didn’t, or wasn’t expected, to mingle and so there I stood in the entry, looking down at a disheveled 18 year old lying on his bed, watching television. He didn’t say anything, just nodded in my direction while not taking his eyes off of the tv, as though this was just another of many visits from an old chum.

       “You know”, he said after a minute, “I’ve shot a person.”

        Of course I was taken aback and thought firstly that he was simply trying to make an impression, or at least I wanted him to think that I thought that, so I responded with, “that’s quite a story.”

Apparently it worked because then he said, “well, what I mean is that I shot at him, but I didn’t hit anybody.”

That apparently that was all the introduction needed because after that we talked for about half an hour without the subject of the shooting or any other equally astounding act, making its appearance.

        We went downstairs at my suggestion and then came the really interesting part. As I said the young man was apparently not used to ‘mingling’ and it seemed that whatever the topic of discussion he would take an affront to it and react either angrily or dismissively. I intuitively felt that it wasn’t because he was in over his head but rather that he had taken a particular attitude and, with youthful vigor, was going to stick with it. I envisioned him rather like a captain going down with his ship.

       But then I spoke the words. I had never experienced words as having a really life-altering effect myself, though being enamored of words, honing their use, I always believed they could.

       What I said to him, spontaneously and interrupting the increasingly loud debate that he had drawn the other adults into with his abrasive and contradictory stance on each and every subject, was this: “You know”,  I said, “no one here is trying to hurt you.”

       There was silence from all parties until someone said that it was getting late and within five minutes the visit was over and we were on our way out.

       Many years passed. I was talking to that friend of my parents that I had visited in England and she, rather out of context said, “yes, so you see, sometimes people do really change, like John.”  I had no idea who or what she was talking about but upon inquiring she said, “Oh yes! What, you didn’t know? The very next day he went looking for a job, finished his exams, made a life for himself and he said it was all because of what you had said to him that night.”

       I’ve had other experiences like that one and I definitely have been gratified to see the right words at the right time can have such a strong effect.

       How does this relate to Phil’s question about influencing those around us to have an understanding for the needs generated by caring for a severely compromised human being? Because there can be little doubt, as Phil stated, in believing it to be a much simpler task to direct people’s inherent need for a organized system of belief.

       So I believe that we can act as a conduit, like an insulated wire transferring electricity, but, and here is the catch, I believe there has to be electricity to start with. You cannot be a conduit if there is nothing there to transfer.

       Furthermore I feel that it is people’s belief system that is the limiting factor. So does that mean that you must be young, open (and naïve?) in order to be subject to influence? If your belief system contains the frame of reference for caring for you fellow man then surely you will rise to the occasion, especially when asked, no?

No, not necessarily. Because the overwhelming majority of alliances in societal behavior exist between elements that share similarities.  Phil’s son Adam is an anomaly. He is frightening. Hell, I would be frightened to take care of him. I’d get over it because I believe we must overcome our fears, must strive beyond what is comfortable and known. 

       I know parents who have made decisions that led to the death of their severely compromised child. Some made the decision because they didn’t possess backgrounds which gave them tools to deal with such a difficult situation. Others did so with the belief that it was best for the child.

       No one is here to judge those decisions, only to try and understand them, in order to learn. From Phil’s point of view, the thought of having help offered is not merely a request for respite, but rather a call to the initiated to open themselves to a tremendous learning experience, even if just for a weekend. A sharing of the journey which, like the classic Greek tales, led a person ultimately to self-realization.

       The initiation though, and now I am particularly addressing Phil, took place a long time ago. Years before Adam was even born, when the experiences of people within hearing distance, formed their belief system. Intelligent people, Phil, caring people. But without the capacity to understand the connection.

So I go about looking, for people who are initiated, and when I find one, then and only then will I ask them because after all, he who has ears shall hear.

Segev Fischer