|Jones Pond, View from our deck..|
We live on a pond. We have a fairly complex disabled kid to care for. My goal in life is to give him the best life possible with the most loving care and still maintain a sense of sanity. Reflections on sanity brought me to childhood memories of fishing and the peace and quiet of these experiences. So what other way to re-capture that place of serenity than to get a boat, pole and sundry types of gear and to fish in the early morn or at dusk on our pond.
I thought too much lately about converting people to embrace the land of disability. I thought too much about the past blogs: saying the right thing to the right person at the right time with the right words...then perhaps the story about embracing the disabled would resonate. My goal was to stop thinking and float around and fish. This was intentionally paced to be far from a mindful experience...all I wanted was to catch fish and throw them back.
Well, I met my proverbial match in the first fish I caught one evening ... a bluegill, a small crap fish. She/he swallowed my worm as well as my hook and I couldn't free the critter without ripping out its guts. I just cut the line and threw it back in, well aware it wouldn't survive. I also put away my pole and gear and swore I would never fish for fun again. Mind you my reference is to fishing for fun and sport and not fishing for dinner. The fish talked to me...it was the right fish, at the right time, with the right words, and in the right place. My behavior would be altered forever. I saw myself as a brutal killer.
Many people who fish for fun claim that fish are incapable of feeling pain, that the hook causes no discomfort. Of course, when a hook has ripped through a delicate mouth, they trash, struggle and fight...they slowly suffocate out of water. Their struggle indicates an aversion to pain and a strong will to survive. I thought of severely disabled people, struggling daily to survive not unlike a fish out of water.
I learned in a split instant a deep lesson about fragility, about an indomitable spirit to survive, about total dependence on another and on the other's treatment of them. I learned about pain, about helplessness, about the look of despair. I learned about struggle, about the need to be free, about the cruel domination of others. I learned what it's like to be a insensitive bully. In a moment, a torrent of emotion and a flood of knowing filled ever fiber of my being. I learned from a fish. I really feel like a shit and all I can do is to resolve to never do this again.
The right person or fish, the right word, the right place, the right time...I would hope that this experience is not reserved only for the initiated. I hope that it is a step to a higher level of consciousness and a higher degree of appreciation for the fragility of life. In a way, the fish was like jesus...giving up life so that others may live with a higher consciousness. I hope this isn't sacrilegious, but there are stories about jesus and fish in the book.
I learned about life from a fish...all you have to do is look and listen!
|Right place, right person, right time, right words...behaviors can change.|